


Deferred Revenge

by karakael



Category: One Piece
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-12
Updated: 2013-04-12
Packaged: 2017-12-08 06:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/758316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karakael/pseuds/karakael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Chopper is given a prank meant for Sanji, Franky and Robin are forced to explain a few things about human reproduction to the confused doctor. Embarrassment ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deferred Revenge

"Chopper, would you be willing to help with shopping?"

The little reindeer looked up, hope blooming in his eyes. Shopping with Sanji was always fun, what with getting introduced to new scents and ingredients, though admittedly Sanji mostly told him he came along to be a pack mule. Chopper didn't mind and didn't really believe it.

But this time Sanji handed over a sheaf of notes, all requests from various members of the crew.

"I've gotten really low on stores - would you mind picking up the other stuff?"

Chopper glanced through the notes; mostly medical supplies and spare parts, what with Sanji grabbing the grocery list and Nami keeping track of the more expensive purchases. All in all things that wouldn't be too easy to find.

He nodded his agreement.

"Thanks!" Sanji patted the top of the younger crewmembers hat. "I owe you one." And with that he was gone, leaving Chopper to hook up his cart and set off.

The first few lists weren't particularly difficult to complete. Extra note books for Robin, paper and ink for Nami, gunpowder and cannonballs for Usopp and a list from Franky that just said "Scrap. As much as you can find."

It took a good hour to check the lists off, visiting bookstores and weapons shops and checking the dumpsters behind an aging shipyard. All in all, it was quite fun, and Chopper even managed to pick up some medical supplies he hadn't thought the small port town would carry.

But the last list...was causing him trouble.

"Sanji. Nami and I have run out of these supplies. Pick them up, Please."

The fact that Zorro would never say "please" didn't cross Chopper's mind, nor did the oil-stained smudges tip him off that something was wrong with the note.

So he followed the poorly drawn map, trotting deeper into the town, down streets that got progressively shadier, until he came upon an unmarked storefront with bikini-wearing human women in the display window.

"C-condoms. Lubricant. Pantyhose..." Chopper recited the mysterious list as he tied up his cart and slipped into his Brain-Point form.

The shop bell tinkled, the grandmotherly fish-woman behind the counter smiled, and Chopper took a good look at the contents of the store.

And then all hell broke lose.

\-----------------------

Franky managed to miss the rampaging monster that terrified the townspeople. It was an impressive feat, given the screams, yells, and ever-present roar of horror. But hip-deep in his newest invention, welder hot and engine running, he didn't notice something was wrong until Chopper ran right over his legs and dove into the nearest hiding place.

Franky swore, ducked under the arching flame, and flipped the welder off. Only then did he hear the quiet, miserable sobs emanating from his largest scrap pile. 

"....Chopper?"

"IT WAS HORRIBLE!" The little creature screamed, burying himself deeper beneath the wood. 

Franky pulled off his safety goggles and set them aside. All that could be seen of the reindeer was the tip of his tail. Everything else was hidden in the quivering pile.

"What was horrible?"

"The shop! That Zorro...and then there was...but I saw...IT WAS HORRIBLE!"

"Slow down, little-bro." Franky crouched down and started moving the pieces of wood aside, revealing the tear-stained, furry face of his nakama. "Start at the beginning."

"I promised to help Sanji out with the groceries..."

By the time the story was over, Chopper was sitting with a bottle of cola, wrapped in one of Franky's blankets. He had calmed down through cyborgs quiet prompting, and now only shivered slightly whenever a remembered mental image surfaced in his mind.

Franky sat back, hissing quietly under his breath and staring at the ceiling. 

"Alright. So you went into the shop and saw bad things, and then you thought..."

"I thought that Zorro was doing stuff like that to Nami! How could he - "

"He doesn't. Okay? The note was a prank." Choppers eyes widened, but Franky explained quickly. "Probably Usopp wanted Sanji to think basically the same things you did."

"Sanji would _never_ let Zorro get away with that!"

Franky nodded. "And what would he do?"

Chopper considered. "Probably get mad and yell a lot. And then try to fight Zorro. And maybe poison his food."

"And knowing that nothing bad was _actually_ happening to Nami...."

The second pause was longer, as Chopper thought the logic out. "I guess...it could be pretty funny, if they didn't know...but that doesn't excuse what happened in the shop! All those poor ladies in the pictures! They were being hurt! Franky, you've _got_ to stop them! It was - "

"...horrible. Yeah, you said that. Would you believe me if I told you it's not like that?"

"No! You didn't see it! If you had - "

Franky raised his eyes to the ceiling again, looking for guidance and swearing a personal revenge. Usopp was going to regret ever making Franky explain this.

"What did your Doc tell you about human reproduction?"

Chopper looked confused at the apparent change in subject. "That humans in rut do stupid things and get stupid injuries and I wasn't to ask more questions until I was older."

"...that's what I thought. Look, if you're going to be the doctor to a bunch of teenagers, there's some things you might want to know..."

\--------------- 

Two hours later, Nico Robin stormed into Franky's workshop, looking for another stolen book. The man had no notions of privacy or personal property, stealing into her library and leaving grubby notes behind usually amounting to no more than a few words "borrowed a book, get it back tonight".

But why in the world would he want - 

The answer shocked her, as she opened the door to find Franky sketching a detailed anatomical model on his chalk board, labeling different rather intimate areas on the human body, while Chopper glanced back and forth between the purloined book and the drawings.

"So if you do this position, you would be in danger of back injury..."

Franky laughed. "Well, no, _I_ couldn't do that - my back doesn't bend that way. But - " He looked up, noticing Robin's entrance. "Oh, hey Robin. Looking Super as always. Maybe you could help - "

" _Why_ did you steal my copy of the Karma Sutra?" 

Franky opened his mouth, ready for an explanation, and then stopped. How, exactly, _did_ one explain the impromptu discussion on human sexuality and the problems inherent in it?

"Franky-san is helping me understand why humans are stupid!" Chopper beamed, turning the book around to show a particularly explicit picture.

Robin looked from the picture, to the reindeer, to Franky's helpless expression. The doctor's answer had only left her more confused...though a part of her agreed completely with the 'humans are stupid' bit, _especially_ when applied to that particular subject.

"This doesn't have anything to do with the monster seen rampaging through the streets earlier, does it?"

"O-oh. That was me." Chopper looked embarrassed, then suddenly worried. "Oh no! I busted that shop up pretty bad! That poor old lady!"

"...what lady?" Franky blinked.

"The nice lady behind the counter! I've got to apologize!"

"Why don't we all go? And you can explain on the way." Robin shot a pointed _look_ at Franky and he hurriedly put the purloined book into her outstretched hand.

\------------------- 

"M-m-ma'am?" The fish-woman's hand was half way to the warning-buzzer when Chopper walked in. It moved the rest of the way when he was followed in by a pervert wearing nothing by a speedo and a dominatrix. 

"You! You're that monster who - "

The beast disappeared, hiding his face behind the big metal man while accidentally leaving the majority of his body still exposed.

Franky sighed and pulled the reindeer from behind him.

"Chopper. What do you say?"

He dropped the boy to the floor, where he bowed deeply.

"I'm very sorry for wrecking your shop and scaring you. Please help me fix it in apology."

The proprietors mouth dropped open and she removed her hand from the buzzer.

"But you - "

"I'm very sorry! Franky-san explained everything -er- at least almost everything to me, and it won't happen again, I promise!"

The fish-woman met the cyborgs eye and Franky shrugged. "Kids, huh? Didn't quite know what he was getting into. It'd be okay if we fixed the shelves at least, right?"

A certainty formed in the woman's mind as she watched the monster and the pervert get to work without bothering to gain her approval.

Pirates. They were all the same. Leave it to those fools to bring a child into a porn store.

"I have some requests."

The proprietor nearly jumped out of her scales at the quiet voice behind her. The other woman, the one all in leather, was standing calmly watching her companions work.

"Do you have money?"

A nod. Well, it wasn't as if she could turn away a paying customer. Even if they did cause more trouble than they were worth.

"Here's the list. Also, my nakama mentioned that he could explain everything to the boy but the bit with slaves. Now you and I both know that a little fantasy can be fun, but fantasy is all it is, correct?"

The proprietor swallowed, hearing the ice in the woman's voice and desperately trying not to meet the woman's eyes. "All our products are government approved. Slavery is illegal in - "

"But it isn't illegal everywhere, is it?"

"I don't sell that kind of thing!" The woman finally snapped. "You can complain to the Tenryūbito if you don't like the sources, but I won't have girls hurt in my shop!"

She glanced at the dominatrix, and was shocked to find the woman smiling slightly. The other two had turned at the outburst, but the man seemed amused and the monster sighed in relief.

"You were right, Franky. She is a nice lady. But why are there all these chains?"

"Just assume stupid humans. They won't be coming onto our ship."

"Are you sure? If Nami and Zorro - "

"It was a prank, remember? Nami and Zorro aren't doing that."

The fishwoman relaxed as the banter continued, letting the men get on with the work, while watching the woman carefully.

"Is anybody? Its important as a doctor to know what kind of physical activity..."

Robin crouched to examine an overturned bookcase, lifting it with many arms and dusting off the contents.

"I'd tell you if I thought anyone was inexperienced enough to get hurt."

"Okay. But should we still buy the stuff on the list?"

One book seemed to catch the many-handed woman's eye, and she added it to the small basket she'd gathered from the debris.

"Sure, don't see why not. A super prank shouldn't go to waste, right? An' now we can turn it back on all the ones involved."

The proprietor raised an eyebrow at the addition of massage oil and cooling lubricant to the woman's basket. There was something almost perverse about the way the woman calmly wandered around, adding rather advanced tools to her basket, while her crew members conversed innocently about the vanilla topics of revenge and teasing.

When Robin noticed the stare she smiled innocently, winked at the fish-woman, and calmly added a stack of padded cuffs to her stash.

\----------- 

"Oh, good. The roof's fixed. Chopper, see anything else you want to ask about?"

The reindeer shrank back down to his small form, Franky still hammering out the final repairs. He glanced at the shop. With Robin's help they had returned everything back to the shelves quickly, and even dusted. Now it didn't even look like there had been a little rampage, much less one that threatened the entire city.

And the pictures and 'toys' no longer held any confusion for him. Humans might be weird about mating, but reindeer weren't so different. They did stupid stuff, and sometimes it worked out for the better, but other times not, and that was where people like him came in.

"No, I think I understand enough!"

Franky gathered up his tools, while Robin paid the fishwoman, who grudgingly thanked them for their business, happy to have the two buffoons and one unexpected sex-fiend demon out of her shop.

As they left, Robin added her bags to the cart that was still tied outside and helped to saddle the doctor up.

"Well, Chopper, did you learn anything important today?"

"I learned a lot!" The doctor smiled.

"What's the most important thing?" Franky shouted from behind.

The reindeer considered, going over the vast array of facts and diseases and dangers he had learned of, his feet tapping in time with his thoughts.

Then the answer hit him. It was something Franky had said at the beginning, explaining why it was okay to have scary toys and strange tools and weirder fantasies.

"You always ask first. Because that's what stops it being stupid, and makes it fun. Because..." he tried to remember the exact words. " ....because its no fun when someone is sad or hurt, no matter the situation. But if its okay to be stupid together..."

"Then its **SUPER**." Franky chorused with him. 

The two walked on, pausing to turn when they realized Robin had fallen behind. One hand holding a bag, the other covering her mouth, she was laughing hard.

"Trust _you_ to get straight to the point." She chided Franky when she had finished.

He shrugged. "Most important thing to remember." He mumbled as Chopper gave a shout and clattered away, chasing after the sudden scent of dinner. 

" _Its alright to be stupid together?_ Really, now. And what was that about 'no one being involved like that on the ship?" 

Franky flushed. "I _said_ no one was inexperienced enough to get hurt."

"Mhmm. Are you _sure_?" Robin handed over the bag, letting her partner take a peek inside.

He chuckled at the handcuffs and oils. "Well, I wouldn't mind putting it to the test...hey, wait, you don't need this!"

Robin caught the pack of ribbed condoms. "Oh? I _was_ going to share these with Sanji..."

"That little brat has _no_ idea how to - "

Franky stopped half rant, noticing Robin's chuckle.

"...you aren't _really_ going to 'share' with the kids, are you?"

"I was planning on making gift baskets. It seemed an embarrassing enough thing to convince them not to prank each-other in such a way again." 

"Oh. Super idea! 'Cus I didn't think you needed _all_ this stuff."

"Really now?" She tucked the condoms back into the bag. "Why not?"

"Well, I've been doing some modifications..."

"I can't wait to see them~"

He caught the kiss she placed on his lips, laughing and twirling her around as a hundred arms wrapped around him, giving just a hint of what was in store for the night. Just as quick as it came, the couple separated again, back to the stoic faces they presented to the crew...but the laughter and amusement couldn't be hidden. Each time they caught the others eye, for the rest of the night, there came an image from the day - the rampaging reindeer with a bra on his head terrifying the town, the cyborg trying to keep a straight face while drawing dicks on a blackboard, and even the image of a grandmotherly store owner slowly realizing that the monster and the man wearing only a speedo where the _least_ perverse creatures that the Straw Hats had to offer.

Of course, Franky thought, That old fishwoman was right to be scared of Robin - she was a hundred times the pervert he was, and he loved every second of it.


End file.
